


something about her says home

by rvsirene



Series: Hayffie Summer Week [5]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M, Hayffie Summer Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 08:53:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20189584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rvsirene/pseuds/rvsirene
Summary: Day 6: Quote."Sometimes, when your hands are shaking, she intertwines her fingers with yours, and you don't understand it, but you do know that when you are in her arms, the world doesn't seem so dark, and her name sounds like a breath of fresh air, and there is something about her that says home, and she is more warm than sunshine ever could be, and at some point, you aren't shaking anymore."





	something about her says home

**Author's Note:**

> For Hayffie Summer week.  
Day 6: Quote.  
The quote I chose is:  
_"Sometimes, when your hands are shaking, she intertwines her fingers with yours, and you don't understand it, but you do know that when you are in her arms, the world doesn't seem so dark, and her name sounds like a breath of fresh air, and there is something about her that says home, and she is more warm than sunshine ever could be, and at some point, you aren't shaking anymore."_

The Quell created an uncomfortable atmosphere wherever Haymitch went.

People didn't quite know what to say to him. Not only was he a symbol of the previous Quell, but his kids were a prominent reason for the outrage of this one.

For most of the parties they had been forced to attend, people just avoided him. 

Before, he would've been happy to sit at the bar. Drink with Chaff and his other friends... Except he was supposed to be staying sober and they were eager to drink as much as they could before they went into the arena.

It didn't mix. 

So Haymitch had spent an increasing amount of time with his escort. He followed her as she drifted from one set of sponsors to another, made an appropriate statement or tried to charm somebody if he felt like it... Effie didn't seem to mind, she was sticking to him like glue. 

Things were different between them recently. 

He spent a lot of time in her bedroom. 

When the prep team weren't there, he didn't even bother keeping up the appearance of him sleeping in his room. He didn't want to be alone with his thoughts and she was more than happy to distract him from them. 

Not that they had been having sex every time. 

It was scary to him. How easily he could just slip into bed with her... Hold her without the pretence of sex. He knew he should stop, call an end to their affair or even just push her away, remind her that this was _just_ sex. But if being with her was scary, being _without_ her was terrifying...

When they had announced the Quell, when he had found out he could be going back. He had wanted her. It wasn’t even to sleep with her. He had just been desperate for someone to comfort him. For him to be able to let go... But he had to deal with the kids, and then Peeta was taking away his alcohol and making him train. There hadn't been enough time to fall apart.

He'd never been upfront with himself about his feelings for Effie before.  
Not that there were _feelings_ per se, he just trusted her. He allowed himself to be more vulnerable with her than he had with anyone else. Mostly because she had been very determined to crack him when he had first met her. 

Seeing her again had been like breathing again.  
One moment she was on his doorstep, the next she was pushing him inside, kissing him hard.  
She had been forceful when she shoved him down his hallway, insistently leading him to his bedroom... He'd been bare chested and hard before she'd even lost a heel. Something about seeing her so determined, so desperate for him. It was arousing.  


When he finally turned the tables, pushing her down on the bed and _finally_ getting her out of her dress, he had slowed them down. 

It wasn't even about sex, he had just wanted to _feel_ her. Skin on skin. To take comfort in her and _hold_ her.

It had changed things between them drastically.  


Whenever they had sex now it was slow. There were _emotions_ other than hate and its purpose was less about releasing anger and more about comforting each other. Haymitch was scared but he wasn't sure he _could_ let her go. 

When she holds him afterwards, it's _so_ tight. As if she wishes she could never let him go. As if she wants to absorb all of his sadness and take it away from him... 

He loves it more than he should. 

The feeling is addicting, being in her arms. He feels content and safe. He feeling _ found._

_It doesn't mean anything,_ he reminds himself. _It's just a different kind of comfort._  
No longer hate, but sadness.

But when they're sat a dinner and somebody mentions his games. When she squeezes his hand gently under the table, holds it firmly against her thigh as if she'd never let it go... He wishes she wouldn't. He wishes for a moment that she was _his_. That he could take her home with him and spend the rest of his life waking up next to her, making her coffee in the morning...

Then he reminds himself that she's an escort and he's a mentor. That he doesn't want her in that way, he's just getting old and wants a companion. That it doesn't mean anything that he feels like that about Effie Trinket, it could be any woman he's fucking.

Except he's not wanted to sleep with someone else in years.  


Still, the lie comforts him just a little. 

He doesn't know how long he'll have left with her anyway. He has a feeling she does and she hasn't told him, he can see it every time he looks in her eyes. This bitter sadness and hesitation...  


He can't hate her from keeping it from him, not when he's keeping stuff from her too. Haymitch suspects she knows that too. 

She keeps her hand in his until they have to get up and leave. And she reaches for him in the car, intertwining their hands again and resting her head on his shoulder... 

"I'm sorry," she whispers. And his chest aches a little bit over how _broken_ she sounds.

Haymitch closes his eyes, willing something harsh and mean to come out of his mouth. Something to hurt her the way he's hurting inside... 

But he can't think of anything, because he knows she _means_ it. He knows deep down that she would do anything to stop his pain and that means too much to him. _She_ means too much to him. 

"I know, Princess," he promises. He squeezes her hand and a part of his is desperate to let it go, to pull away and put some distance between them.

Yet he doesn't. 

Sometimes he feels like she's the only thing keeping him from going insane.  
Whenever he comes back from a meeting with Plutarch, or wonders into the dining room for breakfast... She flashes him a smile. A _real_ smile. One that meets her eyes and for a moment, soothes the deep pain he's been feeling ever since this whole ordeal began. 

When it's time for him to leave, he almost doesn't even think he can.  


He's still lying in her bed, arms wrapped around her and breathing heavily. A part of him wants to _cry._ And that makes him angry because he knows he's being ridiculous. He knows they shouldn’t mean a thing to each other, _so why does leaving her in the Capitol hurt so badly?_  


He promises himself that after all of this... After they've fought for peace. He'll reach out to her, maybe they could try to build something real. Maybe he _could_ wake up to her every morning...

"Sweetheart," he whispers into her hair. She buries her head harder into his neck and just like that, he knows what he needs to do. "Sweetheart, I've got to go." He doesn't move though, he lets her hold him for a moment more. To soothe the shakiness he feels under his skin. The feeling that he pretends is due to withdrawals...

"I know." She presses a kiss to his skin, right on his pulse, before pulling herself gently out of his embrace... "Stay safe," she says quietly, wrapping the sheets tighter around her torso. 

"I will," he promises. "Stay alive." She nods sadly and he takes a moment to look her in the eyes. To commit her face to memory and to let her calm him one last time. Then he's taking a deep breath, pressing a kiss to her cheek and rolling out of her bed.

He pulls on his clothes quickly. She doesn't look at him, instead she's staring at the crumpled sheets around her, at the mess they've made... 

He only looks back at her when he's dressed. And before he can talk himself out of it, he's pressing his knee on the mattress and kissing her.  
The kiss tastes like goodbye and it makes him feel sick.

"Get dressed," he murmurs against her lips. "I will send someone, I promise. Effie-" She silences him, her hands pressing hard around his neck as she takes control of the kiss. Before she pulls away, pecking his lips one more time and giving him that smile again. It soothes him even if it doesn't quite reach her eyes. 

"See you later." Her lips are a little swollen from all their kissing and her voice is dry but she still doesn't drop her smile. He can tell, the minute she does that she's going to cry. And a part of him doesn't want to let that happen. A part of him wants to keep her with him like she has these past few days. 

But then she makes the decision for him.

She’s always been better at pretending than him.

"Look after the children," she whispers, so low he barely picks it up.  
He gives her a shaky nod and turns around. 

It takes everything in him not to look back, to grab her hand and feel the weight of her palm in his once again. To drag her along no matter what Plutarch says. 

_He will send someone,_ he promises as he presses the button for the elevator. Plutarch will be pissed but he _will_ send somebody.

Then he lets out a sigh, relaxes his shoulders as best as he can. And steps inside.

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t even know where the quote went in this xD but it _was_ inspired by it so I guess it still counts.  
Sorry this is kind of boring, and sorry to poor Haymitch who’s been so emotional in my writing this week lmao.  
Hope you enjoyed it anyway! I had fun writing it :)


End file.
